Monday, March 31, 2008

Ann S. Landers 4/1

Oh dear, Ann:

How can I get my kids to stop saying lanya all of the time?
-- Saipan Mother.

Dear Mother:

Quit screwing up all of the time.

Oh dear, Ann:

We're not doing the job we're supposed to do, but it will hurt the company if I tell anyone. What do I do?
-- Perplexed Pinoy

Dear Ferflexed:

Any business would be proud to have an employee like you. You're obviously worth more than $3.55/hour. Ask for a raise.

Oh dear, Ann:

My wife and I are drifting apart. I've been seeing someone else, but she doesn't have any friends here and I don't want to abandon her.
-- Middle-aged

Dear Aged:

Are you still here? I've already told you I don't do haoles. You can't even own land, fool. Don't ask for my approval if you're trying to trade in your high-mileage model. If she's blonde, I might be able to hook her up so you're both happy for a while.

Oh dear, Ann:

I just found out my brother is getting kickbacks. What should I do? -- Worried

Dear Worried:

Grow some balls and stand up like a man. Turn them in to the proper authorities unless they cut you in on the action.

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