Oh dear, Ann:
How can I get my kids to stop saying lanya all of the time? -- Saipan Mother.
Dear Mother:
Quit screwing up all of the time.
Oh dear, Ann:
We're not doing the job we're supposed to do, but it will hurt the company if I tell anyone. What do I do? -- Perplexed Pinoy
Dear Ferflexed:
Any business would be proud to have an employee like you. You're obviously worth more than $3.55/hour. Ask for a raise.
Oh dear, Ann:
My wife and I are drifting apart. I've been seeing someone else, but she doesn't have any friends here and I don't want to abandon her. -- Middle-aged
Dear Aged:
Are you still here? I've already told you I don't do haoles. You can't even own land, fool. Don't ask for my approval if you're trying to trade in your high-mileage model. If she's blonde, I might be able to hook her up so you're both happy for a while.
Oh dear, Ann:
I just found out my brother is getting kickbacks. What should I do? -- Worried
Dear Worried:
Grow some balls and stand up like a man. Turn them in to the proper authorities unless they cut you in on the action.
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