Too many aliens are having sex. I know what they're trying to do. Make babies so they can take over our homeland. Alot are chasing our women so they can steal our land. They came here to work. The contract doesn't say anything about sex. Your country has plenty sex if you want sex, go home. I'M WATCHING YOU!!

There should be a law so only local indigenous can have sex. U.S. citizens too I guess but they really should save their sex for when they go home too. Tourist too I guess but not with alien women and they can't stay too long. Maybe bacalavas because I'm not prejudice and they can't have babies. And no babies that should be against the law too.

But the Politicians won't help. They're too busy chasing waitresses in nightclubs. They think they're hiding when they sneak into the private rooms to have hot alien sex. WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Why don't you keep it in the family and solve our problems?

STOP ALIEN SEX NOW. BIBA MARIANAS.

Ann S. Landers 4/1

Oh dear, Ann:

How can I get my kids to stop saying lanya all of the time? -- Saipan Mother.

Dear Mother:

Quit screwing up all of the time.

Oh dear, Ann:

We're not doing the job we're supposed to do, but it will hurt the company if I tell anyone. What do I do? -- Perplexed Pinoy

Dear Ferflexed:

Any business would be proud to have an employee like you. You're obviously worth more than $3.55/hour. Ask for a raise.

Oh dear, Ann:

My wife and I are drifting apart. I've been seeing someone else, but she doesn't have any friends here and I don't want to abandon her. -- Middle-aged

Dear Aged:

Are you still here? I've already told you I don't do haoles. You can't even own land, fool. Don't ask for my approval if you're trying to trade in your high-mileage model. If she's blonde, I might be able to hook her up so you're both happy for a while.

Oh dear, Ann:

I just found out my brother is getting kickbacks. What should I do? -- Worried

Dear Worried:

Grow some balls and stand up like a man. Turn them in to the proper authorities unless they cut you in on the action.