Thursday, April 3, 2008

Kidney operation stalled

The Pacific Renal Institute has put it's proposed Saipan center on hold, according to PRI spokesman Saint S. del Santos.

“The Board of Professional Licensing is giving us a hard time,” he said, “without their approval the Commonwealth Development Authority won't give us a Qualifying Certificate.”

Senator Sablan S. Sablan (TT, Northern Islands) has stepped in. “I'm filing a bill to have kidney transplants covered by another board,” he said Tuesday. “If the voters approve this should fly right through.”

“They've taken me to their facilities in the Philippines and India. This is a first class operation and they've been very good to me. They're willing to take any of my colleagues on a fact-finding trip. Tourism is down, and this will bring in rich people. They'll stay longer because they have to recover.”

Administration spokesman Charles Reyes was noncommital. “Jeez, that's a stretch, even for me,” he said in an e-mail, “but I'll have to get back to you. There have been discussions and we welcome all investors, but you've got to draw the line somewhere.”

Critics have said there will be no local benefit, a charge Santos denies. “I'm not the only one on the letterhead and we need clerks and cleaners. When Saipan gets its very own medical school we plan on tapping that resource. This is going to put the Marianas on the map."

“The donors will be pre-screened in their own countries before they are 'hired', so there will be no health issues. We'll take local donors if they have the right blood type.”

More criticism has been aimed at the QC. “This is an expensive startup, with a lot of unforeseen payments,” Santos answers. “That 25 years is just 'breathing room.' We just checked All Of The Above on the application. This will be huge for the economy. Meanwhile, we'll provide FREE school checkups for 100 indigent indigenous kids.”

Monday, March 31, 2008

Too many aliens are having sex. I know what they're trying to do. Make babies so they can take over our homeland. Alot are chasing our women so they can steal our land. They came here to work. The contract doesn't say anything about sex. Your country has plenty sex if you want sex, go home. I'M WATCHING YOU!!

There should be a law so only local indigenous can have sex. U.S. citizens too I guess but they really should save their sex for when they go home too. Tourist too I guess but not with alien women and they can't stay too long. Maybe bacalavas because I'm not prejudice and they can't have babies. And no babies that should be against the law too.

But the Politicians won't help. They're too busy chasing waitresses in nightclubs. They think they're hiding when they sneak into the private rooms to have hot alien sex. WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Why don't you keep it in the family and solve our problems?


Ann S. Landers 4/1

Oh dear, Ann:

How can I get my kids to stop saying lanya all of the time?
-- Saipan Mother.

Dear Mother:

Quit screwing up all of the time.

Oh dear, Ann:

We're not doing the job we're supposed to do, but it will hurt the company if I tell anyone. What do I do?
-- Perplexed Pinoy

Dear Ferflexed:

Any business would be proud to have an employee like you. You're obviously worth more than $3.55/hour. Ask for a raise.

Oh dear, Ann:

My wife and I are drifting apart. I've been seeing someone else, but she doesn't have any friends here and I don't want to abandon her.
-- Middle-aged

Dear Aged:

Are you still here? I've already told you I don't do haoles. You can't even own land, fool. Don't ask for my approval if you're trying to trade in your high-mileage model. If she's blonde, I might be able to hook her up so you're both happy for a while.

Oh dear, Ann:

I just found out my brother is getting kickbacks. What should I do? -- Worried

Dear Worried:

Grow some balls and stand up like a man. Turn them in to the proper authorities unless they cut you in on the action.